Pondering

Megs found out yesterday that she didn't get the job she applied for. Today, she was offered another job at the same location as the other, at the same pay rate, so she's pretty happy. She had to move a week of training and give up the planned week off after the party but that's no big deal. It's for 7 weeks so she'll be able to save plenty of money to go and see Chris when he goes to Canada at the end of the year.

I spoke to her today during her lunch hour, while she was out buying shoes to wear to court next week and ordering sushi. It warms my heart to hear (and picture) her going about her business, talking to the sales lady, paying for the shoes, ordering and paying for the sushi, using all those manners. She's an adult; she's a working girl and it's still sometimes hard to believe that you give birth to this little person; you love them and care for them all those years and they grow up; for 12-18 months they can't stand you and sometimes you can't stand them either; and they leave home to start a new life away from you; and somehow they survive without you being there with them every day; and suddenly they graduate and find a job and start a career and buy a car and turn 21 but you still talk to them 3 or 4 times a day, either by phone, email or text; and you turn around and the next one is nearly 16 and growing taller and not doing his hair any more and gets frustrated with you and rolls his eyes at you (but still texts you from school all day); and you're closer to 50 than 40 - and you wonder how did it all happen so quickly? where did it all go?

Then you find yourself blogging into the atmosphere because you want someone to talk to but you don't really want to talk to anyone you know because NOBODY REALLY LISTENS ANY MORE - they're all too eager for you to finish speaking so that they can tell their own story; so you just talk to yourself and you think a lot and you write it down because it feels good to get it out.