Losing Friends

I think I've lost a very close friend due to circumstances I couldn't control. The company we all worked for made some changes to its' management structure and in the fallout, our friends were let go while we stayed on. After it happened they went away for two weeks during which we didn't hear a word from them despite trying to contact them and leaving text messages. We heard on the grape/gossip vine that they were coming back to pack up the house and leave. It was a very sad time and my heart wept for my friend because I knew what she'd be thinking and feeling and that she would have had to be the strong one for her husband and children while not having support for herself. I assumed the lack of response from them meant that they didn't want any contact with us.

Then my friend rang a couple of days ago but it was an awkward and stilted conversation that left me feeling like we'd both misunderstood each other. I'll ring her in another few days and see if I can't begin to resurrect what we once had but it all feels messy. I can only assume from their reaction that they somehow hold us partly responsible for what happened but it was something that we could not prevent.

Since then, G and I have moved from working from home, back to working from the office. Now at least I have some structure to my days but it's at the expense of a friendship that I thought was indestructable and would last forever. When I spoke to her on the day it happened, I thought that she and I would help each other through the turmoil and that we could all at least talk about it but I don't think that will happen now.

I used to look forward to her kids being old enough for the two of us to be able to travel together and go walking and riding but I think things will never be quite the same again and I find that incredible.